Late Night Thoughts

Post 3: 6/02/2011

It’s been a while. A long, long while. But tonight, i wont leave you with much. Today the sun was shining and the leaves where whispering as a breeze trickled through the street. It was as if there had never been a spring day until today. It was truly wonderful, and i experienced it alone - something that i am gracious for. If i had been accompanied, i doubt i would have grasped the full beauty of it. Then, i remembered a girl i used to be great friends with. We emailed constantly and talked as much as possible - but now i don’t go out of my way to contact her. i was feeling guilty for a while but i realized, while i watched the squirrels nibble and listened to the birds sing, that people grow apart. It’s okay. i have been in some dark places and i am not ready to share them with anybody, changing me in many ways. Maybe it was a sign, the wonderful day today. But maybe i knew all along. No matter what though, guilt won’t rule my life anymore. i am happier than i have been in a while and it’s fantastic.

hjd.

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” -Einstein

Post 2: 5/27/2011

So, i’ve been listening to this song on repeat for a while. It isn’t the first time i’ve heard it, but oh my is it beautiful.

Jesus Jesus (Noah Gundersen)

Jesus, Jesus, could you tell me what the problem is
With the world and all the people in it?
Because I’ve been hearing stories about the end of the world
But I’m in love with a girl and I don’t wanna leave her
And the television screams such hideous things
They’re talking about the war on the radio
They say the whole thing’s gonna blow
And we will all be left alone
No we’ll be dead and we won’t know what hit us

Jesus, Jesus, if you’re up there won’t you hear me
‘Cause I’ve been wondering if you’re listening for quite a while
And Jesus, Jesus, it’s such a pretty place we live in
And I know we fuc*ed it up, please be kind
Don’t let us go out like the dinosaurs
Or blown to bits in a third world war
There are a hundred different things I’d still like to do
I’d like to climb to the top of the Eiffel Tower
Look up from the ground at a meteor shower
And maybe even raise a family

Jesus, Jesus, there are those that say they love you
But they have treated me so d*mn mean
And I know you said ‘forgive them for they know not what they do’
But sometimes I think they do
And I think about you
If all the heathens burn in hell, do all their children burn as well?
What about the Muslims and the gays and the unwed mothers?
What about me and all my friends?
Are we all sinners if we sin?
Does it even matter in the end if we’re unhappy?

Jesus, Jesus, I’m still looking for answers
Though I know that I won’t find them here tonight
But Jesus, Jesus, could you call me if you have the time?
And maybe we could meet for coffee and work it out
And maybe then I’ll understand what it’s all about 

 It’s brave to write such a beautiful song. He questions everything and normally in songs, that’s a given. But these questions…they’re questions i haven’t heard questioned until i read Don Miller books. With recent events, i think this song has really been a comfort. If you’re questioning where God is during these natural disasters, wars, genocide, hatred, and everything else that’s fucked up in this world - you’re not alone.

Things suck in this world; people get hurt, moods get shitty, etc.

But you can get through this.

If you don’t believe in God, there are thousands of people who love you in this world and i promise things work out in the end.

For those of you like me, who do believe in God; he loves you. Not to say that others don’t - they do. But even in the worst parts of life, God is watching over.

Be safe tonight,

hjd.

Post 1 1/2: 5/24/2011

Okay, i cheated.

It isn’t night at all, but these are thoughts that just won’t shut up.

Sweet Disposition (The Temper Trap) just came on Pandora and i couldn’t help but think of the movie 500 Days of Summer. i’m pretty late at watching movies, so i only saw it last weekend. It blew my mind.

i’m a hopeless romantic; love stories make me grin, i want to lay in bed with someone without anything sexual happening, love songs fill my iPod, etc. 500 Days of Summer however, was NOT a love story (as stated near the beggining) and i thought it was absolutely brilliant. The music was great, but most of all i loved the part where he quits his job.

(If you haven’t seen the movie, sorry for the spoiler - but what he says is beautiful)

He talks about how people use greeting cards as lame excuses to make up for all the things we can’t say in person. Now it’s so difficult to walk up to that person that you think about all the time and say a simple, “Let’s be more than friends”

It’s terrifying to think of going up to a friend and saying “i need help”

i wish i grew up in the days where talking was real. i wish i grew up in a place far away from where i am. i wish i could pack up right now and drive. i have no destination in mind - i just need to escape.

But despite all of these feelings … i’m going to have to settle for having this blog that most likely nobody will read. However, if it means getting everything out in the open, i’m up for it.

Have a wonderful rest of the day.

hjd.

PS

Although i’m in a bit of a music rut, here’s some songs that are always on my top 10 list.

coffee break - forever the sickest kids

science & faith - the script

ring the bells - satellite

saving us tonight - satellite

jasey rae (acoustic) - all time low

there, there katie - jack’s mannequin

Post 1: 5/23/2011

i won’t lie - i absolutely ADORE Jamie Tworkowski.

Hence, i don’t capitalize my “i’s.” (Sincere apologies to all the English teachers reading this.)

i’m not positive on why he does it, but i like doing it because i’m one person in billions and sometimes i really do question things. i get scared when i look at calendars, i wonder if people ever think about me, i question how important i really am in the world….

So maybe that’s why he does it - because what grammarian woke up one day and said, “I think that I am better than you. Ergo, I will capitalize all of my “I’s” from now on.”

That’s not why i started this blog though; i started it because i want to be heard. Jamie had a post about musicians and it got to me. (i read it whenever i’m stressed or sad or lonely or just bored…it’s better than Prozac) For those without the voice of Renee Yohe or the guitar skills of Dustin Kensrue or the writing abilities of Jamie Tworkowski or the artistic talents of ChiBird - there needs to be a way to express ourselves. Enter: Tumblr.

i guess i like to think of this as hope. Hope that i’ll post something and a person will read this and think, “That’s it. That’s what i’ve been feeling, what i’ve been worrying about. Thank goodness i’m not alone.”

i hope that somebody feels that way because that’s how music and art and great writing (by Jamie Tworkowski, of course) makes me feel. i hope that anybody who reads this thinks.

Whether you think “That person needs a life” or “LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE!!!”, think.

i’ll leave you with something i found this morning on StumbleUpon.

There’s nothing wrong with you. There’s a lot wrong with the world you live in. – Chris Colfer